Reserve Book: Follow Up to the Uncoventional Motivational Speaker

Re-considering the musical, it is a strange sort of honor for parts of my quirkiness to be displayed for a theatre-going public. I was appalled, sure. Now, it’s a very strange form of compliment. For all of the people that this guy met years ago on that random weekend trip to Utah, I was the one who stuck through revisions, editing, re-writing, and otherwise apparently there was enough there that it was easy enough to flesh out for whomever played the role.

So, instead of being rocked like a top out of my skull, is it better to be amused? Perhaps. Appalled? Well, that was my inherent reaction. Afterwards, I am not about to embrace all of it, and no, the playwright didn’t “nail me” by any means. But the parts where I saw something rather hideous, or things where I thought, “Are you kidding me?” either need changing or were changed long ago.

I am still formal, and I have my guard up more often than down. I get disappointed easily, and it would be better if I never had any expectations at all. With most people, I simply shrug my shoulders and keep walking. There are a few people where I would give a lot for them to live up to expectations, but that’s perhaps not fair. So, the Shield where I keep out the world? It works, to a degree. The stuff that gets through may turn into blog fodder. Things that otherwise may not matter to other people, but after years of certain thought processes matter at least in arts to me. *shrugs, walking away*

Instead of being appalled, now I am a little amused. More like, wow. I really was like that back then, and the guy only saw me for maybe two days if that. I also have to give him kudos for working hard and taking at least three years for a play that may only be around for two months. That’s a lot of effort for something. He also inspired inner thought processes, evaluations and re-evaluations.

The person that I am now is a reserve book. I wanted to say that I was like the floor model for either a car or furniture or electronics. The main problem with that is that when the new model comes along, the show model goes through a strange and awkward clearance sale. And I will never be for sale, at least not intentionally. Some day I may have a book out, or some part of me in that regard may be for sale, but never ME for sale.

When it comes to a reserve book, I am a little wary. While on the one hand, I feel honored that it takes a while to find out that I am what someone wants, being stuck on the shelf is a little lonely. Yes, I am out of the hands of others and there is only one right fit. I am in the catalog, and anyone can see my entry if they try, but you have to look, hard. I am not a paperback mass market circulating type of person. Esoteric, preferably, I am not everyone’s preferred choice. It takes research to find me. Looking for the right thing and I am not in just any library. I feel like blogging puts my world on WorldCat. That’s fine, I hope. All the same, I feel wary of the experiences necessary for the right person to find me, and to check me out on permanent loan if I am that blessed.

At least I moved inside the library. I realize now that I am electronic reference of a sort. I am the hot commodity, and in showroom model language they don’t yet have the right tools to display me properly and so I am still waiting. I am a book that updates regularly. How strange is that?! Constantly shifting, changing. There are some parts that never move, but the rest of me feels like I want a platform off of which to expand and flood the earth with light. Maybe I am more dreamer than anything else, but it is better to dream and become the dream than to sit and stew in idle without directions or focus.

You Never Know Who’s Reading

Today at Church my new ward clerk told me that he’d read my blog. At least one professor reads my posts. He is my teacher and grades me on this. I never expected people to find this work outside of my niche group. So, I’m honored and at the same time know that I need to do good and better work.

It is not a betrayal of my family history background to candidly state that I see all of my fields “outside the box.” I like integration of all aspects of my life and prefer not seeing things in boxes with distinct edges. In a previous post, I mentioned that my philosophy sought to take the box, and look at it like a molten glass globe rather than as a bed-bug ridden cardboard box. There is nothing enlightening about limiting oneself outside of self-imposed laws or morals. And those are more like kite strings. A kite does not fly without a tether to the ground. Being grounded is literally the only way that a kite can soar. Wind is a tool, not the thing that keeps them afloat. I see that the same way in my life. I need the grounding and then I am a speck of magenta riding cirro-cumulus positivity.

The kite is a better analogy than balloons. Sure, balloons soar for a while, but then they lose their helium, their momentum dies, and they just float listlessly to the ground in a deserted effort at existence. Eventually spent, they are lucky if they get recycled into a completely separate form. More likely, they end up in a trash heap. Kites, on the other hand, must have the proper tether and balance in their tension for floating high. Without it, if there was no tether, they are less than balloons and do not hold themselves upright. Design matters as do the efforts of the being holding the string. Nice analogy. I see the kite string holder being wise and prudent in efforts. Instinctively knowing when to let rope out and when to pull down the kite so that it does not receive too much damage. Things like that. I’d prefer being on the ground versus getting wind-whipped far away where resisting the wind beats me up.

Because I know that people are watching and reading, it’s time to do as well as possible if it was not before, which it was then. Now there is not more pressure. There is more purpose. Academically, my work may or may not matter in the large scheme. I am uncertain how far the messages of this blog will go. However, I know there are faces that go along with readers. My work is not only reviewed by SPAMbots, but more particularly it has the review and criticism of people whose opinions matter in my life. I will be working with some of these people potentially for the rest of my life. I have high respect for the professor and I am expecting that I will have the same respect for those with whom I work in Church endeavors also. If any of my classroom colleagues read this work, their opinions matter and in many cases inspire these blogs whether they are of moral or ethical tone or whether they are in response to pages of notes that came as a response to a single question such as in the case of the Family History Basics series.

I am trying my hardest. Not to please everyone, per se, but to share whatever message comes out of these blogs in a positive manner. I cannot write stuffy monologues here, but I want to make clearer more concise messages. Blogs are journalism on spec with a voice that accompanies of who a person wants to become. Who a person is now may not be an accurate preview of the future self, but I theorize that whatever selectively intense experience befalls a person clarifies the personality as the written word develops for that particular person. As I write amid new allergic reactions this weekend, I am grateful for the good people and things in life and in learning that I have a new set of people upon whom I may find reliance.

I hope that we are all able to work together for goodness. That alone is the primary aim of this blog.

Best to all,


Something to Emphasize

Just learned that a good friend of mine’s Dad got diagnosed with cancer. While I used to think that there was separation between professional and personal parts of life, her blog reflects what I now realize: they’re the same thing. No matter how it’s put, and no matter what else happens, the principle player in life is always the same. What you do in one sphere directly affects all of the other spheres.

I have friends who are afraid of posting what they really think online due to possible negative reactions. This is a fair and honest thought process. A blog post found recently on the topic mentioned that monitoring your online presence is crucial. I have been using Google Alerts for this purpose for years. Why Google your name when Google can do it for you?

Otherwise, I take the stance that I am not afraid of my posts. I can edit as need be, and I strongly do not want self-righteous inflections. That said, I am who I am. A quote modified from Abraham Lincoln mentions pleasing people some of the time. It is a rare person who has convictions who pleases a mass audience. For the 400 friends  in my queue on Facebook, my main group is less than 30 of them and even then, restrictions to information apply. My closest friends give me solid advice and never sugar coat things, but have substantial wisdom. Over time, they prove sincerity. If I need to move, they ask where and when to help, and they can get things done.

My public face is extremely formal. The better a person knows me, the crazier and more fun I get. All of that said, I did not originally intend to post passionate opinions, but find that is better writing for me. I am an amateur writer and like writing for mass understanding. Not that I need to dull my speech patterns or purposely talk in slang jargon or underhand. Instead, I like clear speech written freely. My personal hero is Thomas Jefferson. He was smart, intelligent (not directly synonymous attributes) and his clarity of expression strikes awe and harmony in beautiful concordance. A goal for my dissertation or for my Masters essays is clarity. While my enunciated discussion garbles easily during every day conversation, writing allows for direct expression. Both forms of communication matter equally and in each I have failings. Reading better writing assists, as do style manuals, or diction coaches and confidence-building.

Admitting flaws and failings is not easy. Especially in times when a person would make someone “an offender for a word” (see Isaiah 29:12) it is hard to think that anyone would let someone get away with less. For able competition in the marketplace, the more highly educated a person is, the more able they are. However, this requires proof of class beyond degrees (multiple intentions meant.) I like being personable, and I love delivering the goods with dignity. Class, polish, and sophistication are hallmarks of this view. At the same time, I like to eat Gino’s East pizza and think it ludicrous to pay more than necessary for a given commodity. I am middle class America.

My writing organization needs help, and my normal vocabulary is not where I prefer, but I am smart and I can do anything that needs doing given the time and resources. There is no fear in this standpoint. I hope that there is no arrogance, either.

I am a grad student and tired. Signing off from Chicagoland,

The Genealogy Doctor