I love it when movies inspire people to do good things. That is why I watch them, dependent upon the mood for the day. It’s 1:30AM, my roommate is asleep, and I am listening to the soundtrack from the Help over Koss headphones that I grabbed in the major move from six years ago. My writing style is anything but academic, and yet I’m having fun.
As for the title of this particular blog, anyone who is actually following it, (I think that there is one of you), you read about how I want to write a dissertation on trauma following death and perhaps how to get out of it. At least one close friend is against this. She is in the middle of her own issues and this is too close. I never realized before how many friends have recent deaths in the family. That is not why I chose this topic for the dissertation. I chose it because of my experiences of six deaths in seven years. From natural causes, from accidents, and one murder, death is a prevalent theme in my life of late. the last death brought unexpected closure to the series. I have no idea of the arch of the book for the dissertation, but in the meantime, I feel like I need to write a Memoir. That is the purpose of this particular introductory blog, and the scariest thing that I have ever done. I’ve talked myself out of it more times than I can count. The closest that I’ve gotten to writing it is 50 pages and an outline, all stored on the hard drive that just crashed. It would cost about $700 to restore the hard drive and I don’t have that kind of cash whatsoever. So, I get the privilege of starting over after writing the first four chapters.
I am not sure how different it will be seeing as the timeline is my own. The names are changing to protect innocent and guilty parties, but what I will write is all truth. No varnishing. No changing it up outside editorial license. I don’t know what good or more likely what ill it will do. Nice little LDS girls don’t write Memoirs. Well, maybe they do. Some phenomenal LDS female writers out there are my heroines. I don’t read LDS fiction, so I don’t know what there is outside of Ender’s Game. At least, I’ve read a couple of LDS books, but nothing since I was a later teenager. They’re not a massive influence on me. I like classics, quirky writers with heart who occasionally swear but get their points across. I do not intend on swearing. I need to write what I want to read.
So, this is the birth of Almost Ten Years at BYU: An Absolutely, Unbelievably True Story. Tagline: The Names are Changed, the rest is the same. My family may hate me by the time it’s done. That’s the one thing that I don’t want. I also don’t want law suits. Being careful of what I write is important. I also will be, as my mother used to say, “brutally honest.” This isn’t going to show a beautiful picture unless a person wants parts of the human heart that matter. I am an idealist. I completely set that forward right now. Although I wish for no rudeness, and not to be mean to people, there is a strong possibility that people will get hurt. That is what has kept me back for years. The people who say to just go ahead and write, you don’t know the implications. It means that you see how it could effect your family, and you think about how the concept makes a difference. Of course I care about the people who I’m writing about. I’m not sure why I need to write it, but it’s been on my mind off and on since maybe 2007? The hard part is writing when you’re not exactly sure what the end is, and tonality during writing… do you write like you were a freshman, or do you write as the wiser student who is finally finishing these years later? I love the story. Yes, I’m in love with my life, but that’s only happened due to severe trials and hardships or heart aches in the meantime.
My life now is so different from where it was back then. I learned and loved so much. I would never replace it, and couldn’t replace it with anything else. What does one semi-overweight white girl from DC who grew up LDS have to share with the rest of the world, especially about some weird, out-there place called Utah, combined with LA and NYC? Yeah, great settings, I’ll admit. My life feels like a chick flick. Gag me? *grins* I’m a bit different from most, if not all people, but I’m also the same underneath it all. My life is one lived in faith. Wonder if that could ever come across were this to become a movie someday. *shrugs* We’ll see. All that I know is that I’m the main one who could write my story. The post-9/11 under play when seen from someone who was close to a lot of the major events of the ages. Yes, I was close for proximity to 9/11. I was at the President’s Initiative on Race in 1998. I was at the Napster hearing at BYU and I lived near to campus when Jimmer caught the basketball world on fire. Things like that.
I served a mission in LA when the DC sniper was shooting literally close to my home. Technology and the world entirely changed when I was away in LA. Then, New York, and falling in love with that city. Coming back, and being independent and staying as strong as possible with the gospel. Things are hard, but endurance is good. What we create is a very good thing. I need to go to bed now, but those are some of the thoughts going through my head as I finally write this pre-write. I need to start somewhere. Better late than never. Bring it on. 🙂
The Genealogy Doctor