Just when I thought that life was a revolving gutterball, it got better. Stolen from Monty Python’s “Bring out your dead” sketch from the Holy Grail movie (pardon the last two seconds)
, this was a week where life went from dark and dreary mist to a sea full of stars.
The hardest part for me is keeping from instantly wanting to row oars and charging ahead. Star light is fun, however, and a great boon to the night fisherman. A friend asked me if I was ready for the next phase of life after the stars. I honestly answered, no, and used a quote from a friend’s talk on Sunday about preparing for things my whole life. For once, I wasn’t worried about it all. I had broken ties with two friends and felt horrible for nearly a week. The intent was a good purpose, but unfortunately I misconstrued it. The “greater good” purpose was greater, but incorrect in application. So now they’re back, and I feel calm again. Calm is always good.
Something that I have also learned is that I need people I can talk with/to, and that patience is a great mollifier. Being anxious gets a person no where. There are times to move quickly, like emergency medical procedures and the like, but I am a slow mover until I know what I want. Unfortunately, when I know what I want, then I tend to go for it. While being assertive can be good, it can also get people into trouble sometimes. Making an effort is usually a good thing, however. Just not being pushy or rushing. I’ve always had problems with balance, and this isn’t an exception.
Two Masters degrees is a lot. I’m not going to graduate at the same time as everyone else, but then again, I’m not everyone else. My sins are different, my life is different, my repentence, weaknesses, and joys are utterly different than some, similar to others. How many other people consider it one of the largest boons of their career to discover that 5K records they scanned two years ago became OCR-searchable on their computer once they upgraded their searching program? For a family history undergrad and sole proprietorship owner, this may as well be candy wrapped in cheesecake dipped in nutella and then coated with chocolate powder. I don’t actually like candy that much, but object happiness becomes candy. People happiness becomes fruit and basic food groups. (I did mention that I was odd. That, and many of my analogies revolve around food because people understand them better and it’s what comes to mind.)Everything requires effort, and this is no exception. I need to work on homework like nothing else, and it’s time to simply WORK! Removing distractions, figuring out how to get a wifi hotspot on my netbook, and just chunk it out. An easy fix (which just came to mind and so I will likely do it tonight) is purchasing a simple spiral-bound book. I use everything notebooks wherever I go, and some day when I scan them all in, maybe they’ll make an incredible story. My writing continues, but I will leave it at that. And I’m not talking about blogging there.
I’m learning happiness bit by bit, and learning how to work without burn out. Also learning that patience, kindness, and gentle persuasion not only work for the blessings that are hoped for to come to a person, but also for the blessings that are already there and simply need the dirt brushed off them. That refers to people who made bad choices and are hopefully doing better now. People who I care about, whether or not they hurt me to an extent that it took years to forgive. I have the power to make my own destiny, and to become completely clear with the Lord’s help. This may sound silly, but my greatest wish in life is to be invisible. To burn so brightly and so hot that I cannot be seen unless a being is near enough to feel it. While I need to get through the baby steps of allowing myself to shine at all, there is a time and place for everything. In this case, I have to wait and be good and to allow good things to come to me. Makes me think of Moses from Cecil B. DeMille’s The Ten Commandments. “The Lord will do battle for us. Behold His mighty hand.” I’m not good at waiting, but have lasted this long. I shall continue writing, continue working, and keep on keeping on. “Be still and know that I am God.”(quoted from the Bible.)